MEETING ATTENDANCE: DECLINED
FETCH: DELEGATED
ICE CREAM NEGOTIATION: ONGOING
CTNB ▲ NAP FUTURES UP 528%
Rule 1
He doesn't fetch. He delegates.
Tennis balls have people. Cottonbud is not one of them.
Rule 2
He doesn't beg. He demands.
A held gaze. A pointed silence. The kitchen rearranges itself.
Rule 3
He doesn't do tricks. Unless ice cream.
His one true love. Tricking you into providing it is, technically, a trick.
The Archives
Evidence of an icon.
The board was optional.
Cottonbud Hour. No requests.
138% sweet. 12% ice. Don't ask why.
No lessons. No fear. No plan.
Early portraiture. Artist unknown. Date disputed.
The official schedule
The morning treat audit.
All times local to wherever Cottonbud currently is. The schedule does not adjust for you.
07:00
The morning treat audit.
One was missing. He has his suspicions. You are his suspicions.
08:45
Sunbeam relocation.
Not for warmth. For dominance. The sun does not know it is being challenged.
09:30
Mirror check.
For brand consistency reasons. He is the brand. The mirror agrees.
11:00
A meeting he won't attend.
The calendar invite was declined before it was sent. Efficient.
12:00
Lunch
Rice, gone. Steak, gone. The peas sit exactly where they started. He wants you to see them.
13:00
The nap. (Strategic)
Do not call it sleeping. He is reviewing ideas behind closed eyes.
15:30
Ice Cream. Negotiations ongoing.
His one true love. Terms remain heavily in his favor.
16:00
StarWoofs FM. Cottonbud Hour.
He does not take requests. He has already chosen what you need to hear.
22:00
Lights out.
He permits the day to end.
The Myth. The Legend. The One & Only.
His resume lists eleven years of experience. He is two.
Stay unbothered, my friends.
This page requires his sign-off.
Press and hold below. He will get to it when he gets to it.
THE COTTONBUD COLLECTION
Approved by him.
He does not approve generously.
Cottonbud™ Collection Ceremic Mug | Fetch This
Cottonbud™ Collection Throw Blanket | Ski
Cleared for purchase
You have his approval. Use it at checkout.
He rarely endorses anything. Today he made an exception. Reluctantly, and only because the merchandise meets his standards.
He will know if you don't.